Below are the 3 most recent journal entries recorded in mayraaaa's LiveJournal:

Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
9:04 am	I really don't know what it is about me that is so hateable. Last night I gave up trying, fuck this, fuck everything. I don't get all the petty drama, all the UNNECESSARY drama. I hate the fact that I forget things that hurt me but when I am reminded of them, I realize how shitty people are (myself included) and how untrue and gruesome some relationships are. I don't get why my life seems to be so fucking hard when it really isn't. I have everything I need and could possibly want but I am simply not happy because of all the small things. I was talking to Lorrie last night and we came to the conclusion that we need to leave Dallas and as soon as I graduate, I plan to. I don't want to live here and be miserable. Houston is looking pretty good right now, so is Austin. I dunno, I think it may be my mouth talking more than my heart but I really don't think that I can put up with this shit much longer. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, November 14th, 2005
10:54 pm	i can't help but feel a little sad. a few days ago, i had it all planned. i was going to pull through and by the end of the spring i was going to be caught up in my classes and i was going to graduate on time. but then yesterday morning i knew it wasnt going to happen, but i planned just in case. today, i know its not going to happen. it sucks to be so close and then to all of a sudden be so far again. im dropping my govt class, no use in taking it if i get the time to do better at my utd classes. and i'll only be taking one class at utd in the spring, which is okay i guess. ill have a lot of free time, which is the only good thing coming out of all of this. ill grow. come summer, ill have enough to retake 2 of my old classes to raise my gpa and then back to taking 15 hours @utd in the fall. guess its for the best. Current Mood: contemplative (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 6th, 2005
11:23 pm	Table Manners My daddy's back, and he says he's going to stay at least until thanksgiving, whick makes me really happy. Last night, I was talking to him about tuition for the spring and i kept on insisting i could work out a schedule to where i'd only take the basics i need to go on and fullfill my major-required classes. he really wasn't paying attention though, the mavs were playing and his attention was elsewhere, so I left it at that and joined Eddie and AB and then went to sleep. He woke us all up at 7:30am and by 8:00am there was breakfast on the table and let me tell you.... the food was divine. Everyone went off in their own separate ways and later on, we all came back and had lunch/dinner together as well. My dad outdid himself, steak, wine, the whole nine yards. We sat down and I handed my everyone their cutlery. My dad took the steak knife, stared at it for a few seconds, and in the most undelicate manner, ripped apart his steak with his fork and knife...he wasn't cutting, he was shredding. Then he took his fork and sort of shoved the first chunk of meat into his mouth and began telling me in his very loud spanish voice that he had the money thing thing solved and to not limit myself if money was the problem. This was great news but all the while he was talking with his mouth full, I realized that it was the first time I had seen my dad eat with a knife. I think I just sat there in amazement and in some way, my eyes were opened. Ive always known how lucky I was to have what I have- education, family, possessions, love, resources at my fingertips- but I think this was the first time I felt appreciative of it all. I in no way felt sorry or ashamed that my dad had very poor table manners, just sad that I never thought the ability to use a knife and fork properly was as important as it really is. I looked at my mother, her hair was very well hairsprayed, she had on nice designer capris, a polo shirt with matching colored flipflops from the gap. She had her legs crossed under the table, her body slightly arched and leaning towards my daddy, no elbows on the table, and about to dip a perfectly cut bite-sized peice of steak into A1, and you know what, no spills. I looked back at my dad, he has steak sauce all over his mustache, crumbs of food on the table, and was downing the last bit of red wine in his coors light cup... and he smiled at me, asked me why i was so beautiful, and pinched my cheek. then he went on to tell us stories of this last trip to mexico and how he needs to get rid of his belly before my mom decided to leave him for someone with more hair on their head, more money in their pocket, and less of a gut. We had a nice time, we really did. He was the first one to get up from the table. He scratched his belly and said he was going to water his plants and that he wants us all to leave him the remote because he plans on watching the history channel. yeah yeah, a whole bunch of useless mumbo jumbo... but to me it meant so much. i missed having everyone together and today was just perfect. i know my dad would do anything for me, for us, and i know that my mom really does love my dad despite all his "flaws"... and i know that i am very lucky for being blessed with so many good things in my life. Current Mood: pensive (2 Comments |Comment on this)